Sometimes being in the right place at the right time does wonders. When I was a graduate student doing a practicum at the university counseling center, I heard about an Assertiveness Training group for Women for the first time. The counseling center wanted to start one, and I was recruited to be a participant. I would have preferred to observe it through the one way mirror, but that was not an option. Did that group ever open my eyes! I realized that I had no models for assertive behavior, and didn’t have a clue as to how to go about behaving assertively. I had only seen aggressive behavior and non-assertive behavior at home, and my style was to simply alternate between those two options. So, back in 1974, I got a clue about how I had certain rights as a human being, and that there was a way to communicate my feelings, beliefs, and opinions that could be respectful of myself and others.
Fast forward to the late 1980′s…..this was when I was exposed to literature about Adult Children of Alcoholics, and began to hear the term “codependent”. I was reading everything about this subject that I could get my hands on. The concept of boundaries kept being referred to, and I had real difficulty understanding what these boundaries were, exactly. I got the sense that this was going to be very significant to me, but it wasn’t fully sinking in. Well, I came to realize that at home, we didn’t really operate with boundaries, either, and that’s why I had such difficulty grasping the concept. I hung in there, and eventually, I got clear on the subject of boundaries.
These two subjects have made a HUGE difference in both the direction my life has taken and the improved quality of my life. These subjects often come up in the work I do with others because both a lack of assertiveness and lack of boundaries can be major obstacles to a person living a life that they choose for themselves. These are both great examples of how my struggles in both these areas can be used to help others come into themselves more, and learn how they can express themselves in a respectful and empowering way.
